What a week last week! Not only was I working night shifts, which makes me feel like a vampire, but I was forced out of my home for a few days while I had a new bathroom installed into my house… I mean when you gotta go, you gotta go, there is no living without a functioning bathroom in your house.
So off I went into exile to the in-laws house which is a bit like going back in time to a world where everything was rationed. My father in-law was literally sitting there timing how long my girls spent in the shower, fearing that his water bill was going to be a pound or two more than last month. And my mother in-law was moaning that I had thrown away some stale bread that she left out, presumably for my consumption… “in this house we don’t throw away anything!”… Which took all my willpower to keep from screaming, “the war is over, not that you were even alive when it was occurring, and rationing is finished!”
And if that wasn’t enough, I also had to try to sleep, during the day, in the house with the most squeaky floor boards in all of Britain, which lead to another awkward conversation:
“Your floorboards are a bit squeaky…”
“Yes I like them like this… So I can hear burglars.”
Voice inside my head; “yeah you can hear them, but you can’t hide from them, so they will probably murder you, so that they can get away with the twenty years worth of post you have stockpiled in your house.”
Still, it was worth all the time in the strange house of my in-laws, who I actually like a lot despite their strange ways and house, and I am grateful that they let the missus the kids and myself stay there, even if my father in-law shook his head every time we flushed the toilet… “There goes another 50 pence down the drain.”… Because now I have a shiny new bathroom, with an environmentally friendly water saving toilet that I can flush whenever I like!